London in New York

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
-Mark Twain

I was going to refrain from commenting on Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, the Jersey Shore cast member who by some accounts is generating for himself upwards of $5 million dollars per year for his role as the leading Guido on the MTV show. While the “man” is somewhat of a humorous personality, that he is now on a road show hawking his book “A Guide to Creeping on Chics” and even getting credible reviews by mainstream media outlets is disturbing, in and of it self, whether or not said reviews are positive. [If I invented a bag of shit would I get an interview on a major network?]

Only in America can a guy who can’t read a book write a book. In fairness to Sorrentino he does have an etched six pack to go along with his mastery of some catchy phrases like:  GTL, Grenade and assorted others.  In a soundbite culture that is perhaps all one truly needs to emerge from the masses to be a veritable leader of them, whether you are a politician and wannabe Presidential contender or a Guido hawking his ‘literary’ works on how to scam the opposite sex.

You know, it used to actually mean something to write a book. To become a ‘published author’ signified some kind of standing or intellectual pedigree and maybe suggested that the “writer” had some wisdom to impart. Authors had an agenda to share a message, to educate, enlighten and elevate the masses with their prose. The bar has now, however, been lowered so significantly that we do not see the difference between art and a fart.

And the book, what has become of the book or a published literary work but a veritable calling card for a celebrity culture swimming if not bathing in its own sewage; one screaming loudly in a Bethenny Frankel like shriek that “I have arrived”: I am not a licensed nutritionist (possibly even a scam artist) nor truly even a working chef, nor do I even follow sound dietary practices myself,  allegedly having gotten plastic surgery immediately after giving birth to regain my Kid Creole and the [Plastic] Coconuts figure, eating carrots, while looking like I take amphetamines and pitch  Skinny Girl Margarita’s as the cure all. Nevertheless, I pose as  a paradigm of healthful living and nutritional expertise.  I am celebrated like both because I am a skinny girl with big beautiful fake knockers whose original branding and logo seem strikingly similar to Skinny Bitch diet book and Skinny &  The City (although hardly totally original itself, e.g. Sex & the City) by nutritionist,  Tanya Zuckerbrot of the The F-Factor Diet,  but I have a certification from The Natural Gourmet Institute and will also flash my well sculpted ass at book signings.  You will embrace my celebrity for I am followed by thousands upon thousands of hopelessly misguided twitiots (i.e., know nothings) around the nation. In  the words of Bethenny herself:

I’m not a doctor, I’m not a nutritionist, and I’m not a fitness expert. And, most important, I am not in charge of you. But I am a natural foods chef, a dedicated lover of delicious food, and a healthy, thin person.

In this cult of PR, it is in many respects considered disrespectful to question or otherwise attempt to undermine the stature of brands created by forces of commerce even while America is being fed a steady diet of its own excrement in containers labeled Fine Beluga Caviar. In fairness, however, to publishing houses what are they to do? Publish only those books of a certain character when the character, intellect and attention span of a nation suggest that Crayons ought to be included with what they truly wish to read and likely purchase?  I am not so elitist to suggest that these enterprises pursue business policies or strategies which might ultimately insure their own demise. People do have to eat you know, pay for rent, food and other things necessary to sustain themselves on this planet. My standards are not so high, I do not require a Croque-Monsieur with a glass of Veuve Clicquot;  Peanut Butter and Jelly on Oroweat with a glass of 2% milk is fine with me. The thing is that what I am being asked to eat,  does not look like peanut butter, even if it is of a similar color and texture and though it has nuts, it also has corn.  Call me crazy, but I just can not even attempt to eat it without my gag reflex engaging.

At this point, if I don’t publish ‘The Great American Novel’ of our time in  this sea of mediocrity it is truly an embarrassment of mammoth proportion. I might as well say fuggedaboutit and drink myself to death with Skinny Girl Margarita’s when a knucklehead who’s entire vocabulary consists of yo, smashing, GTL and grenade not only published a book before me but may end up on the New York Times Best Seller list, while also being regularly  seen on Red Carpets throughout America as prolifically as the woman who spent several years as a Bravo Real Housewife from New York City, despite being neither real (e.g., the Coconuts) or a housewife.  Although in fairness to the humorous comedic actress, Bethenny Frankel is from New York City and a Scorpio like me and I have to have a degree of respect for her hustle, even if she would walk the Red Carpet at the opening of a zipper while claiming she invented the Margarita. Fake Coconuts or not, fact is the camera likes her as it does ‘The Situation’ and I can critique but will limit the ‘hatorade’ (even if believe that UNICO has a right to question whether the show represents an unflattering caricature of the values of Italian-Americans), since I operate on the premise that obtaining wealth should not only be for the already wealthy people.

Critics will suggest that my lack of millions or ability to come up with something resembling the success of Sorrentino or Frankel illustrates a degree of jealousy on my part and is evidence of my own relative inadequacy as a man or marketer; and even more so an inability to  capitalize on opportunities that those better than me have recognized. On some level that is a fair critique, even if my mind does not operate that way.  My parents provided for me in a manner that was proper, at times comfortable but not so much that I felt entitled. I was always grateful and still am for even the smallest trinkets, gifts or evidence of affection. Thus, I  did not grow up so much in affluence in a financial sense than in a manner where I appreciated that which was rich of the spirit and the mind.   Perhaps because of who and what my father and mother were I aspired to a higher standard, however unrealistic, that were I to become a leader of any kind in our society, whether a published author, respected commentator or legal advisor that what I did emanated from a place that they would not be embarrassed for me or for themselves,  among the intelligentsia, professors, intellectuals, community leaders, pastors, priests and rabbi’s.  Having there be character or integrity behind my brand is of greater importance than whatever quick buck I could make off of marketing myself in an insincere or fraudulent manner.  In this day and age, a fool hardy posture, I willingly concede. The price of a commitment to one’s evolution is that one may frequently or maybe even intermittently engage in a degree of introspection and existential inquiry that most avoid.

Maybe I was wrong, if the only goal was financial success marketing products or ideas that lacked integrity, I should have stayed in Queens or Brooklyn, never learned to walk upright, consult a thesaurus, attempt to master ‘The Elements of Style’ (which I still have not,obviously)  or even bothered with English Lit courses at Boston University or worked on my speech at the University of Pennsylvania Law School. I could have simply worked on my abs and my tan, stayed in Sheepshead Bay (see also: Brooklyn Cigars) left for the Jersey Shore, maybe even become the ‘King of Corona’ with “me and Julio down by the schoolyard.” You know the one, near P.S. 14 and the Corona Ice King. Maybe then by now I would have published my life’s master work,  ”Getting Ripped, Laid and Paid: Tales of Shagging Guidettes & JAPS, Getting Bombed & Crusin in my Vette.”  Instead, I may publish “Sexless in the City”: The Guide for Intellects Who Can’t Get Any in a Sea of Celebutards. Somewhere along the way I turned into Miranda Hobbes (i.e., Cynthia Nixon), from Sex and the City; I cannot even enjoy the prospect of sleeping with women who lack intellect, charm or manners.  Such a woman is for me, in the parlance of ‘the Situation’ the type of ‘grenade’ I prefer to bypass even if she is pretty.

Stacy Schuler, athletic trainer and physical education and health teacher at Mason High School, is led away from her arraignment by Warren County Sheriff deputy Hank Arnett after she turned herself in Friday, Feb 4, 2011 in Lebanon, Ohio.

Stacy Schuler, a 33 year old athletic trainer and physical education and health teacher at Mason High School in Warren County in Southwest Ohio was indicted on 16 counts of sexual battery, a third-degree felony; and three misdemeanor counts of offenses involving underage persons (i.e., The Mason Comets High School Football Team).  Schuler, a literal Gang Banger apparently took on individual football players at different intervals, and was known to become especially vindictive if any of her subjects ignored her demand “Don’t be Tardy for the Party” because like Kim Zolciak, she needed to work off the stress of the week.

What is our society becoming when 250 Pound Offensive Lineman, Defensive Backs and Linebackers become the sexual prey of a 5′4″ female gym Teacher. Oh the horror! I can tell you this never happened on the Sheepshead Bay High School Sharks Swimming Team when I was growing up. But then again, most  of us found the 60 year old male coach about as sexually desirable as  a contestant on The Biggest Loser.

The press caught up with the “victims” of this horrific crime in their clubhouse where they were smoking cigarettes, doing bong hits and having a few brewskies. Bubba, the 275 Pound Left Tackle put down his beer and confirmed in lurid detail with tears streaming down his face, how the petite Ms. Schuler was very strong for a 120 pound female stating, “She literally forced herself on me, insisting I receive oral pleasure, without any obligation of reciprocation.” He then recalled some rather disturbing details about the circumstances and atmosphere surrounding her seduction.

On several occasions the petite/athletic Ms. Schuler manipulated the 275 Pound Left Tackle into watching her favorite reality shows on Bravo TV, including Bethenny Getting Married while sharing popcorn and soda before she the petite teacher, a former gymnast, rode the 275 Pound Left Tackle like she was on the pommel horse at the Olympic trials, after turning up her stereo to the sounds of Countess LuAnn de Lesseps — “Money Can’t Buy You Class.” And then one time when he was “Tardy for the Party” after being pleased by the petite Ms. Schuler, she assigned him to do a book report on Jill Zarin’s – “Secrets of Jewish Mother.” As repugnant as that was, the Left Tackle admitted, that “he could not find Cliff Notes anywhere and was forced to read the whole damn book.”  It was, however, the combination of having to receive pleasure while listening to Andy Cohen giving Bethenny Frankel a Mazel of the Week for her precise dissertation on the perfect Skinny Girl Margarita that has left him truly scarred him for life and muttering “why does that crazy bitch have her own TV Show?” “If the authorities had not stopped this sociopath, the teams football players would still be having sex with their gym teacher while watching another season of Bravo TV,  remarked Brutus Butkus, the teams Quarterback and Captain. Fortunately the authorities brought that to an end.

Announcer:  Aaron Rodgers, you and the Green Bay Packers have just won the Super Bowl. What are you going to do next?

Aaron Rodgers: I am going to Disney World!

Announcer:  Hosni Mubarak, you are the embattled leader of Egypt, your people have just revolted, they continue to fill Tahrir Square in Cairo,  your heir apparent is hiding in London, world leaders have questioned your authority and ability to lead an orderly transition, the Muslim Brotherhood who assassinated your predecessor hopes to lead  that transition.  What are you going to do next?

Hosni Mubarak: I am going to a SPA in GERMANY!

SUPER BOWL XLV will be a battle of “Will & Grace”. A ‘bittersweet symphony‘ it shall be. The Steelers have the ‘Will’ led by Ben “the Milledgeville Mauler” Roethlisberger and Steelers mega-safety Troy Polamalu who unlike Ben at least limits  his mauling the opposition to the football field vs. The Green Bay Packers led by Aaron “the Philanthropist” Rodgers whose destiny is to return the Lombardi Trophy to its rightful owners and founders. The Brooklyn born Vince Lombardi may be having a fine run on Broadway but I suspect that my Paisan wants to go home to Green Bay and celebrate once again with Packer Nation. To my friends in Pittsburgh, I love ‘the burgh’, the people, the soul and the history. But in the end I just can’t pull for the Milledgeville Mauler over the “Grace”–patience, precision and discipline of the graceful gentleman Aaron Rodgers and a historic franchise who’s history is tied to an Italian-American guy from Brooklyn. One would suspect that even Mr. Brooklyn is pulling for the Packers.   Today, this New York Jets fan puts down the green and white (sorry Woody Johnson, Mike Tannenbaum, Rex Ryan and Mark Sanchez) for the green and gold.   TODAY I AM A CHEESEHEAD and will join the good folks of Green Bay, Wisconsin in saying: Go Packers! Prediction: Packers 35-21 over Steelers

Ahead Of Time Trailer from Bob Richman & Zeva Oelbaum on Vimeo.

The Common Good (TCG) paid tribute this evening to an extraordinary American and citizen of the world  at the Paley Center for Media on 52nd Street here in Manhattan.  Catherine Crier served as the evening’s emcee. Today Show Anchor Ann Curry presented TCG’s American Spirit Award to Ruth Gruber.  Gruber, the youngest PhD in the world, a former Bridge & Tunnel New Yorker born in Brooklyn, just like me (although I was born in Queens and grew up Queens and Brooklyn).  In the words of TCG founder Patricia Duff: “Ruth is one of the most extraordinary and inspiring women of the latter half of the 20th century for her film-worthy exploits and accomplishments in journalism, government, and social activism.”  The event was hosted by: Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, Catherine Keener, Kelly Klein, Barbara Kopple, Former First Lady of New York Michelle Paige Paterson, Congresswoman Carolyn Maloney, Bob Richman, Rachel Roy, and Naomi Wolf.  A packed amphitheater of politically and philanthropically engaged New Yorkers, including professionals in media, law, medicine, finance as well as artists, writers, political and community leaders, all of whom came to see the screening of “Ahead of Time”, a profile paying tribute to Ms. Gruber’s extraordinary life. After witnessing and photographing Gruber’s acceptance of the American Spirit Award, I briefly stopped taking photos to listen to her more carefully.  What was most memorable was Grubers’ recollection of  one of her discussions with David Ben-Gurion who told her that there would be peace in the Middle East. And when Ruth asked how and when, Ben-Gurion advised her “in yours or your children’s life time and it will come through Egypt.”  The historical irony of Ben-Gurion’s statement was lost on few people, especially given the tumultuous situation in Egypt at the present time.

My blackberry then vibrated with a timely message from a ‘Citizen of Cairo’ who provided a first hand report of what it is like to be on the ground in Tahrir Square in Cairo participating in the Egyptian Revolution of 2011.   Let me say that, I do not believe in coincidences. Messages come to us in certain ways for a reason. I am not ABC News, CBS News, CNN, NBC News or FOX News and I am certainly not NY1 but I am but one (1)  guy in New York City with a camera, a brother who is my partner and this blog.  Yes, ‘The Arab World is on Fire’, civil unrest grounded in decades of struggle in the cradle of civilization may ‘portend of regional transformation’.  More than the interim threat that it presents to regional security and the global economy, it may present a greater opportunity, maybe even a painful and challenging one, to usher in a new paradigm in American-Egyptian relations.  The question of whether the United States should support the democratic revolution in Egypt should be rephrased:  What if we do not choose to embrace the hunger for liberty and freedom  inside one of the oldest and greatest civilizations known to man? What if we are on the wrong side of that history and Mubarak holds back the Egyptian Revolution of 2011?  Will we have missed the opportunity to help usher in this new paradigm? Is this the opportunity envisioned by David Ben-Gurion communicated by Ruth Gruber, that may ultimately create a more firm path to peace, security and prosperity throughout this region and maybe the world?

The potent message from a ‘Citizen of Cairo in the streets of Tahrir Square is referenced below, but the identity of the individual writing it will not be disclosed. From my blackberry to this blog here is his “full story from within”:

I don’t know how to start writing this. I have been battling fatigue for not sleeping properly for the past 10 days, moving from one’s friend house to another friend’s house, almost never spending a night in my home, facing a very well funded and well organized ruthless regime that views me as nothing but an annoying bug that its time to squash will come. The situation here is bleak to say the least.

It didn’t start out that way. On Tuesday Jan 25 it all started peacefully, and against all odds, we succeeded to gather hundreds of thousands and get them into Tahrir Square, despite being attacked by Anti-Riot Police who are using sticks, tear gas and rubber bullets against us. We managed to break all of their barricades and situated ourselves in Tahrir. The government responded by shutting down all cell communication in Tahrir square, a move which purpose was understood later when after midnight they went in with all of their might and attacked the protesters and evacuated the Square. The next day we were back at it again, and the day after. Then came Friday and we braved their communication blackout, their thugs, their tear gas and their bullets and we retook the square. We have been fighting to keep it ever since.

That night the government announced a military curfew, which kept getting shorter by the day, until it became from 8 am to 3 pm. People couldn’t go to work, gas was running out quickly and so were essential goods and money, since the banks were not allowed to operate and people were not able to collect their salary. The internet continued to be blocked, which affected all businesses in Egypt and will cause an economic meltdown the moment they allow the banks to operate again. We were being collectively punished for daring to say that we deserve democracy and rights, and to keep it up, they withdrew the police, and then sent them out dressed as civilians to terrorize our neighborhoods. I was shot at twice that day, one of which with a semi-automatic by a dude in a car that we the people took joy in pummeling. The government announced that all prisons were breached, and that the prisoners somehow managed to get weapons and do nothing but randomly attack people. One day we had organized thugs in uniforms firing at us and the next day they disappeared and were replaced by organized thugs without uniforms firing at us. Somehow the people never made the connection.

Despite it all, we braved it. We believed we are doing what’s right and were encouraged by all those around us who couldn’t believe what was happening to their country. What he did galvanized the people, and on Tuesday, despite shutting down all major roads leading into Cairo, we managed to get over 2 million protesters in Cairo alone and 3 million all over Egypt to come out and demand Mubarak’s departure. Those are people who stood up to the regime’s ruthlessness and anger and declared that they were free, and were refusing to live in the Mubarak dictatorship for one more day. That night, he showed up on TV, and gave a very emotional speech about how he intends to step down at the end of his term and how he wants to die in Egypt, the country he loved and served. To me, and to everyone else at the protests this wasn’t nearly enough, for we wanted him gone now. Others started asking that we give him a chance, and that change takes time and other such poppycock. Hell, some people and family members cried when they saw his speech. People felt sorry for him for failing to be our dictator for the rest of his life and inheriting us to his Son. It was an amalgam of Stockholm syndrome coupled with slave mentality in a malevolent combination that we never saw before. And the Regime capitalized on it today.

Today, they brought back the internet, and started having people calling on TV and writing on facebook on how they support Mubarak and his call for stability and peacefull change in 8 months. They hung on to the words of the newly appointed government would never harm the protesters, whom they believe to be good patriotic youth who have a few bad apples amongst them. We started getting calls asking people to stop protesting because “we got what we wanted” and “we need the country to start working again”. People were complaining that they miss their lives. That they miss going out at night, and ordering Home Delivery. That they need us to stop so they can resume whatever existence they had before all of this. All was forgiven, the past week never happened and it’s time for Unity under Mubarak’s rule right now.

To all of those people I say: NEVER! I am sorry that your lives and businesses are disrupted, but this wasn’t caused by the Protesters. The Protesters aren’t the ones who shut down the internet that has paralyzed your businesses and banks: The government did. The Protesters weren’t the ones who initiated the military curfew that limited your movement and allowed goods to disappear off market shelves and gas to disappear: The government did. The Protesters weren’t the ones who ordered the police to withdraw and claimed the prisons were breached and unleashed thugs that terrorized your neighborhoods: The government did. The same government that you wish to give a second chance to, as if 30 years of dictatorship and utter failure in every sector of government wasn’t enough for you. The Slaves were ready to forgive their master, and blame his cruelty on those who dared to defy him in order to ensure a better Egypt for all of its citizens and their children. After all, he gave us his word, and it’s not like he ever broke his promises for reform before or anything.

Then Mubarak made his move and showed them what useful idiots they all were.

You watched on TV as “Pro-Mubarak Protesters” – thugs who were paid money by NDP members  by admission of High NDP officials- started attacking the peaceful unarmed protesters in Tahrir square. They attacked them with sticks, threw stones at them, brought in men riding horses and camels- in what must be the most surreal scene ever shown on TV- and carrying whips to beat up the protesters. And then the Bullets started getting fired and Molotov cocktails started getting thrown at the Anti-Mubarak Protesters (see also: Anti-Mubarak protests sweep America) as the Army standing idly by, allowing it all to happen and not doing anything about it. Dozens were killed, hundreds injured, and there was no help sent by ambulances. The Police never showed up to stop those attacking because the ones who were captured by the Anti-mubarak people had police ID’s on them. They were the police and they were there to shoot and kill people and even tried to set the Egyptian Museum on Fire. The Aim was clear: Use the clashes as pretext to ban such demonstrations under pretexts of concern for public safety and order, and to prevent disunity amongst the people of Egypt. But their plans ultimately failed, by those resilient brave souls who wouldn’t give up the ground they freed of Egypt, no matter how many live bullets or firebombs were hurled at them. They know, like we all do, that this regime no longer cares to put on a moderate mask. That they have shown their true nature. That Mubarak will never step down, and that he would rather burn Egypt to the ground than even contemplate that possibility.

In the meantime, State-owned and affiliated TV channels were showing coverage of Peaceful Mubarak Protests all over Egypt and showing recorded footage of Tahrir Square protest from the night before and claiming it’s the situation there at the moment. Hundreds of calls by public figures and actors started calling the channels saying that they are with Mubarak, and that he is our Father and we should support him on the road to democracy. A veiled girl with a blurred face went on Mehwer TV claiming to have received funding by Americans to go to the US and took courses on how to bring down the Egyptian government through protests which were taught by Jews.  She claimed that AlJazeera is lying, and that the only people in Tahrir square now were Muslim Brotherhood and Hamas. State TV started issuing statements on how the people arrested Israelis all over Cairo engaged in creating mayhem and causing chaos. For those of you who are counting this is an American-Israeli-Qatari-Muslim Brotherhood-Iranian-Hamas conspiracy. Imagine that. And MANY PEOPLE BOUGHT IT. I recall telling a friend of mine that the only good thing about what happened today was that it made clear to us who were the idiots amongst our friends. Now we know.

Now, just in case this isn’t clear: This protest is not one made or sustained by the Muslim Brotherhood, it’s one that had people from all social classes and religious background in Egypt. The Muslim Brotherhood only showed up on Tuesday, and even then they were not the majority of people there by a long shot. We tolerated them there since we won’t say no to fellow Egyptians who wanted to stand with us, but neither the Muslim Brotherhood not any of the Opposition leaders have the ability to turn out one tenth of the numbers of Protesters that were in Tahrir on Tuesday. This is a revolution without leaders. Three Million individuals choosing hope instead of fear and braving death on hourly basis to keep their dream of freedom alive. Imagine that.

The End is near. I have no illusions about this regime or its leader, and how he will pluck us and hunt us down one by one till we are over and done with and 8 months from now will pay people to stage fake protests urging him not to leave power, and he will stay “because he has to acquiesce to the voice of the people”. This is a losing battle and they have all the weapons, but we will continue fighting until we can’t. I am heading to Tahrir right now with supplies for the hundreds injured, knowing that today the attacks will intensify, because they can’t allow us to stay there come Friday, which is supposed to be the game changer. We are bringing everybody out, and we will refuse to be anything else than peaceful. If you are in Egypt, I am calling on all of you to head down to Tahrir today and Friday. It is imperative to show them that the battle for the soul of Egypt isn’t over and done with. I am calling you to bring your friends, to bring medical supplies, to go and see what Mubarak’s gurantees look like in real life. Egypt needs you. Be Heroes.