London in New York

This is the story of migrant NBA workers during America’s Great Recession of 2010 and the journey of Lennie Small (played by LeBron James) from his isolation in Cleveland, Ohio to the warm Florida Gold Coast where he is reunited with George Milton (played by Dwayne Wade and alternatively, Pat Riley)

“Guys like us, that work on ranches, are the loneliest guys in the world.  They got  no family.  They don’t belong no place. They come to a ranch an’ work up a stake and then they go into town and blow their stake, and the first thing you know they’re poundin’ their tail on some other ranch. They ain’t got nothing to look ahead to. With us it ain’t like that. We got a future. We got somebody to talk to that gives a damn about us.”  “An’ why? Because…because I got you to look after me, and you got me to look after you, and that’s why.”

-Of Mice and Men (1937) by John Steinbeck.

Only an alpha male New Yorker could pull off what Miami Heat GM  “Pat the Rat” has in his attempt to recreate LA Lakers “Showtime”  in South Beach with the likes of Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh and the last minute addition of man child LeBron James.  That ownership team of the New York Knicks allowed this cool cat, a New Yorker by birth, depending on your perspective perhaps a veritable basketball genius with the DNA of a Champion who has a long track record of success and in depth experience in every facet of the game, to get away tells you what happens when you cast aside an ambitious hungry New Yorker and let him loose in some other metropolis. Were I the owner of the Knicks, allowing this man, Pat Riley, to sit atop New York basketball would have been a small price to keep Madison Square Garden the Mecca of basketball. In the end, it is hard to believe that Basketball’s Tony Robbins would not have led the Knicks back to winning basketball quicker than any of the alternatives pursued since he left.

The Decision vs. The Admission

Basketball historians will some day write about what it was exactly that allowed  Pat Riley and Dwayne Wade to lure LeBron James to the Miami Heat, other than the warm Florida sunshine and the opportunity to pursue his championship dreams as a role player on a basketball juggernaut rather than to be the King on the world’s biggest stage in New York.  “The Decision” by LeBron James telecast on ESPN will, however, ultimately be remembered by most Sports historian’s as “The Admission”—the admission that he was no Heir Jordan and not ready to assume the mantle of the greatest basketball talent that the pro game has ever seen or to assume the responsibility for being “the franchise” for a major market team.   Many will fault him and questions about his heart or lack thereof may dog him long after people forget how he quit on the Caveliers in the 2010 playoffs against the Boston Celtics, wherein he seemed almost resigned to lose, even after he wins what many project are several NBA titles with the cast assembled by Pat Riley, the GM of the Miami Heat.

When you rip the soul out of a community on national television there will, certainly be hell to pay; from critics, members of the local community, fans and even an angry owner all of whom claim abandonment. It is the perfect way to kill one’s own brand, in the words of blogger Matt Gonzales:

It just so happens that you also end up with one of the most egregiously mishandled PR situations in the history of professional sports. Tonight, after a long and dramatic build-up that came off so staged and ridiculous it must have had the creators of “The Apprentice” drooling in their leather chairs, Lebron James will commandeer ESPN for an hour-long “special” to announce which team he will play for next year. “The Decision” will serve as the final, backwash-heavy swig from a lethal cocktail of PR tone deafness and brazen, unmitigated narcissism that has quickly and decisively transformed Lebron from a widely beloved icon into an object of widespread disgust and derision.

The citizens of Ohio and and a town of gritty, steely men and plain dealers of Cleveland, including the loyal fans of the Cleveland Cavaliers deserved a better fate or at least more stand up treatment than they received from Team LeBron James. In a time of recession, where the heartland has been hit especially hard, the success of a local Akron boy elevated the psyche of a community.  Team LeBron James would have been well advised to consider an alternative approach to the one that they employed, with a tad more humility and reverence for his legion of fans. If nothing else,  that might have led to greater forgiveness by the local community for his decision to play elsewhere and made him less of a villain. Instead what they were treated to was weeks and months of an ill advised PR Campaign with the spectacle of suitors making their case to King James culminating in an announcement labeled “The Decision” in prime time on ESPN. If you want to serve as a role model and teach kids how to “Be Great”, maybe you ought to do more than to stick a check in their mouth (via The Boys & Girls Clubs of America) to have them provide cover for your team’s self absorbed marketing plan. Perhaps you could have looked your community in the eye and explained (a) your desire to explore living elsewhere having spent most of your life in this community and (b) the opportunity to pair up with your closest friend and mentor to relieve you from the emptiness and dispair of the prospect of pursuing your destiny alone. 

Team LeCon James waged this campaign while there was an under current suggesting that this was a preordained and preorchestrated maneuver hatched a few years ago via collusion by three of the NBA’s most elite players, whom made a commitment to become free agents at the same time to create the possible opportunity of their joining forces on the same team. If that is the case, one has to wonder, which NBA executives had prior knowledge of this arrangement and knew that once they got Wade and Bosh, they were likely getting LeBron James too. For Cleveland ownership and fans to  have to hear their star player talking about doing what’s right for LeBron James in the third person is akin to a bride being left at the alter while the groom holds a press conference in a posh locale discussing how he met a younger, more attractive and fit woman with bigger breasts and better child rearing hips that will lead to his immediate self actualization and greater long term happiness while further reminding folks that besides which she has a bigger house in a nicer part of the country than his small rural town.

Ultimately, the NBA is, however a business and our children ought to have better role models than a self proclaimed Jesus or “King James” or Messiah with basketball, who himself may not be the perfect role model.

MIAMI vs. New York & Cleveland

Truth told sometimes mountainous men of seemingly endless ability have a fatal flaw or shortcoming which undermines their security and stature; even as men often of lesser ability or gifts are able to rise to higher heights in life.  In the end, ironically is “that admission” that he could not win a title on his own and that he sought teammates in that battle for his championship destiny that may allow him to surround himself with men whom he respects, admires and trusts to elevate him, his game and his legend. But also in the process there is a good chance that this move may lead to the evolution of his masculinity and better understanding of himself as man. Team Lebron from Akron is ultimately one which will need to evolve with him or he will ultimately shed that skin as he develops or matures.

While I have little in common with LeBron James and am 100% a New York Knicks fan, and though I hoped that he might join the Knicks and recognized him as a valuable piece to the puzzle, I did not see in his eyes the killer instinct of a Mark Messier, or the testicular fortitude of a champion who craved the opportunity to play on the world’s biggest stage.

Something in the eyes, manner and overall hesitancy of LeBron James, even the shiftiness of it all, reminded me of myself at his age. Despite more than reasonable academic success, a degree of comfort that my parents provided some good DNA, I wondered and at times was not quite certain whether I was “man enough” to face the challenges of life head on in the Big Apple or a city of this size and whether, I should make an end run around it by playing on a smaller ball field. It took a personal apocalypse, the death of my father, some earnest intimate conversations in the weeks before his death and then ultimately a journey through the dark night of the soul where I was stripped bear of all my material possessions, physical beauty and other superficial props in my life, when I found myself alone to realize why and how it was that I got here.

My mother and father gave me all the love a child could want and nurtured the belief that I could do anything I committed myself to doing.  I grew up believing in myself, although often somewhat tentatively, never 100% certain whether I necessarily had all the tools. They gave me great sensitivity, understanding and introspection but a killer instinct that I could not always muster at the appropriate time. Despite my father’s intellect and his thirst for knowledge instilled deep within me, doubts remained. I have come to theorize that they came from my father’s willingness to accept less even though through the force of his intellectual skills, he was often entitled to more.  He was the perfect #2 man enabling the wealth and success of others, often unwilling to take or seize his just rewards. The creative with a unique brain endowed by the gods but with the hunger of an anorexic in terms of rewarding himself. He executed for others but did not execute or take for himself. I did not have in my life the example of a bull’s stampede across the goal line as evidence that it was in fact possible. There were times I wanted to see my father rise like King Kong atop the mountain, rip the proverbial trophy from the grasp of others while beating his chest from the highest heights. Instead, the vision I had was of a calm, demure but passionate intellectual completing the NY Times Crossword weekly while listening to Bach, Beethoven and other great artists.

My father’s blessing was that he wanted me to be a better version of himself at least on some quantifiable level as measured by Society so that his brand was thus thereby extended. If I am able to do that I will make him proud as I know that he lives within me and is along side of me now in so many actions and aspects of my life. It’s as if when my brain goes on and some of the most provocative and profound insights come to me, I see him sitting there with a warm smile on his face knowing that he is still able to reach me and make me a better man each day that I choose to fight for myself in this life. I fight because I feel his love within me even in my weakest times and my times of greatest doubt. It is what earnestly motivates me, not to fail him, to extend him and not be as concerned or consumed with the judgments of others as I am with the standards and morality he instilled within me.

True to my father’s nature I have become a more inquisitive reader over the years. Reading books was one my father’s greatest passions. This is what led me to read books such as Robert Wright’s The Moral Animal and most recently Stu Webber’s The Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart in an effort to better understand the evolution of man and why we are the way we are. Notably, Stu Weber, in his book, Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart: Bringing Strength into Balance postulates that biblical masculinity rests on four pillars. The four pillars represent the four major facets of a man’s life; these aspects of masculinity are: king, warrior, mentor, and friend. Weber believes that when all four “pillars” are balanced, peace and tranquility will prevail in our marriages, our families, our places of worship, and in the community and the nation. These institutions rest on the balanced pillars of biblical manhood, and they all collapse when the pillars lean out of balance. The major problems our society faces, for example, are the result of many men having one or more of their personal pillars out of balance–leaning one way or the other. For some men, the pillars have fallen down.

A four-pillared man, however, is the kind of a man who builds a civilization, a small civilization that outlives him. The proverbial broad shoulders or wings of such a man serve as the foundation of a civilized society and from which we either stagnate, if they be weak, or can take flight if they are steady. We ought to note these kinds of men and learn from the lessons of their life, for in the example of their life work lies the future of humanity.

IN QUEST OF MENTORS FOR A “KING JAMES”

New York Knicks fans will likely forever be disappointed that LeBron James left us at the alter only to join the hated Miami Heat, but when you consider the intangibles of the organization and the masculine role models that LeBron James went in search for, he found a better cast in Miami than he found in New York; with the Knicks more corporate, if not disjointed, management structure holding little appeal. The basketball man child went on a quest for comfort, security, mentorship and companionship not to be King Kong or take on the responsibility of the franchise leader. In itself that says a lot about a man, although as a friend of mine from the Midwest stated, “after all the cold winters in Cleveland, who the hell would not want to live in the sunshine of South Beach?” It’s a no brainer.  Nevertheless, in the end, it is that admission that he is not “the man” and perhaps does not want to be “the man” but rather merely one of “the men”, which may allow him to liberate himself from the judgments and expectations of others, surround him self with men whom he respects, admires and trusts to elevate him, his game and his legend.  Ultimately, if I am right and LeBron made the choices for those reasons, there will be a tremendous opportunity to bear witness to the development and maturity of man who no longer poses as “King James” or travels with an entourage of sycophants who operate in a misguided fashion to undermine his brand, but one who develops into a quiet assassin that operates with Zen like efficiency on the basketball court.  In the process there is a good chance that this move may lead to the evolution of his masculinity and better understanding of himself as man.

Sometimes beyond the media spotlight, spin and promotion lays the truth about a man in his battle to evolve as a human being and self actualize. I do not profess to know that this is the essence of LeBron’s truth or to imply that he is mentally disabled like Lennie Small in Steinbeck’s Of Mice & Men, but it is no lesser an explanation than most of the arm chair speculation about his motives that exists in the mainstream media currently.

"American Gothic" by artist Grant Wood

This past weekend as has been customary for me for the last several years I have stayed in my beloved metropolis to celebrate Independence Day. After the mass exodus of vacationers heads off to the Hamptons and points along Route 27 on the East End of Long Island, including Shelter Island, and others to Summer vacation destinations in the New York region and vicinity: Bedford, Catskills, Finger Lakes, Historic Hudson River Towns, Woodstock, Saratoga, Lake Placid, Litchfield, Ct., Jersey Shore, the veritable solitude of city life and long strolls in Central Park is refreshing.  While there is so much to love in all parts of New York City and New York State, my jaunts have been more local to barbecues in Williamsburg, Brooklyn and Douglaston, Queens.

Current economic conditions have led to a retro Americana like movement with our people staying closer to home and spending their disposable income and vacation funds in and around the United States in a more traditional and humble manner.  The way I see some of my friends spending time with family in places like Historic Cornwall on the Hudson River and Warwick in Orange County, reminds me of a bygone era when the comfort of family was more relished than glamourous options and opportunities elsewhere. Even many of those who are not staying entirely local head to points further north and south, including the Berkshires, Newport (Rhode Island), Cape Cod, Nantucket, Martha’s Vineyard (Massachusetts),  Block Island and the Eastern Shore of Virginia and Maryland. It reminds me that the Northeast United States is one of the most under rated places in the world to spend the Summer, a number of these places readily accessible and only a boat ride or water taxi away from Battery Park in Lower Manhattan and that includes a short ferry ride to Staten Island. The only sadness for me and my friends and family further South is that from reports online there has been  decline of vacationers along the beaches in the Gulf Coast region due to BP Oil Spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

The East End of Long Island is still, however, a huge draw, and those that I know are heading out that way in these curious, if not introspective times are doing their socializing more intimately, around the homestead, with a bit less glitz and glam (or so they tell me). I have also been inspired to look inward and socialize more intimately with close friends and family.  Enjoying some cold Iced Tea and a barbecue in my brothers backyard in Douglaston has thus far been the highlight of my summer. Those who publish magazines highlighting the social whirl, however, have patrons and sponsors to feed, entertain and publicize in  these summer months and hence their festivities may sometimes rankle the ire of those who see the commercialism around the nightlife industry as a tad to crass for their community. Some, however, would rather  “Live and Die” in the Hamptons at any cost and while there are so many beautiful spots on the East End, all you need is a day in Sagaponack while drinking some Wolffer Estate Vineyards Rose to understand the addiction.

On Saturday, July 3rd Christopher Koulouris, the Editor of Scallywag & Vagabond, texted and then called me while he was out on the East End of Long Island with a rather startling report. The Scallywag left Brooklyn and went to the Hamptons to cover some events, including a Bridgehampton Pop-Up Art Party with the final destination to be the Social Life Magazine party hosted by Publisher Justin Mitchell and Editor Devorah Rose at the Social Life Estate to celebrate the July Cover Model Kelly Killoren Bensimon from the Real Housewives of New York City who reportedly attended  the party with Jill Zarin.  Mr. Koulouris and his friends were apparently greeted by a scene out of “Annie Get Your Gun.”

Christopher Koulouris: Christopher where are you? I arrived here at the Social Life Estate only to be confronted by a mad woman wielding a shotgun, what in the bloody hell is going on?

Christopher London: …….Jesus, you’re kidding right?

Christopher Koulouris: I am serious man. There is a woman here with a shotgun.

Christopher London: I am here in Manhattan bro. I never made the trip out East. Don’t ya know how wonderful Manhattan is when everyone leaves…even when it’s nearly 100 degrees? Look at the bright side. The Second Amendment is alive and well, even in the Hamptons, an enclave of neo liberal elitism.

Christopher Koulouris: This is crazy man. Why does this happen?

Christopher London: As anyone who has covered or visited the Hamptons for years or read Steven Gaines book, Philistines at the Hedgerow: Passion and Property in the Hamptons, knows there has been a long history of uneasy blending of old society and new money.  The locals, whether it be those who have lived and worked there year around or those who have lived there seasonally for generations have a rather contentious relationship both non home owners (seasonal renters) who “Summer in the Hamptons” with their families and at times a borderline hostile relationship with the “Other Half Who Hamptons” (which author Jasmin Rosemberg has written about). This other half run and join share houses. Many locals will tell you it is the big parties of these philistines that disturb the peace and calm in their local community. In fairness to local homeowners on the East End, many who live year round, they often have to deal with having 100-200 or more cars parked around the streets leading to their property, late night noise and drunken people stumbling out in the middle of the night heading off to the clubs. Over the years I have attended a number of these huge Hamptons House parties, run by club owners and other private citizens on the East End of Long Island. On a few occasions I have pulled up in car only to be greeted by a hostile neighbor telling me not park my car near their property line. So while I have witnessed anger and certainly recognize the reasons therefore, I have never had a shotgun aimed in my direction. [In terms of full disclosure, I only got about half way through this historical analysis before Christopher Koulouris cut me off]

Christopher K: Staring down the barrel of a shotgun is just too high a cover charge if you ask me. Thanks for the historical dissertation but I got to go.

All I could think was maybe the lady was there guarding Kelly Killoren Bensimon, Social Life Magazine’s July 4^th Cover Model? Apparently the pitchfork wielding crowd may have put down their pitch fork for a more efficient killing device or at least one which is more effective at getting the attention of and driving away urban philistines. One might wish to keep in mind that these philistines, however, do have an economic impact on the local economy. Many a shop owner, Realtor and restaurant owner who make a living off the summer influx to the East End would clearly not want to discourage return visits from those who vacation and spend money here, and this says nothing of the First Amendment related issues surrounding the right to assemble peacefully, which gives me pause if a fine was issued to the proprietors of the Social Life Estate rather than a simple arrest of a woman wielding a shotgun.

For more on the party at the Social Life Estate, see:

-Devorah Rose, Kelly Bensimon, Jill Zarin and the lady on the front lawn with a shotgun.

-Social Life Magazine July 4th Party (photos)

-Radaronline: Frenemies Kelly Bensimon and Jill Zarin get cozy at the Social Life Magazine party at The Social Life Estate.

Epilogue: What would be most critical to know is (a) how the shotgun wielding woman was handled by local police, whether she was a homeowner in the area (or not), the use of deadly force in defense of property is illegal in New York State and that even assumes she was truly defending her property rather than defending her preference for more peace and quiet and that ain’t exactly self defense (b) administering fines for peaceful gatherings may be one way to raise revenue and insure that gatherings disperse but whether it is right is another thing, especially if such fines are administered selectively against a certain class of people exclusively.

Admire and adore the Author of the telescopic universe, love and esteem the work, do all in your power to lessen ill, and increase good, but never assume to comprehend.

–John Adams, 2ndAmerican President & Founding Father.

America is fighting to pull itself out of the heavy toll of the current recession. There is unrest in the heartland and untold pain and suffering in pockets of urban and rural America. We must remember that we are only as great a nation as our weakest links. The most patriotic among us, those willing to preserve and protect the freedom that enables me to write this blog are often those who in the eyes of critics and other outsiders may have the least to gain from the preservation of our way of life, but they do so anyway. And that must never be forgotten, whether they are overseas and even more so, when they come home.  In this time of uncertainty, perhaps the greatest uncertainty in a generation, with America’s citizens restless and our leadership facing daunting and profound challenges on so many fronts locally, nationally and internationally, it is my hope that differing factions can come together for the greater good of our nation and ALL its people. For I can safely speak for many of my fellow citizens when I say that it is still the greatest gift in the world to be an American and a New Yorker on this fourth day of July, the date of the Declaration of  American Independence from the Kingdom of Great Britain.  With that gift, however, comes a responsibility to be part of the solution to Build America’s Future and not just sit around and point out the problems that exist, for they are plentiful.

On this day, I toast and say thank you to our Founding Fathers, men like Thomas Jefferson,  John Adams, Benjamin Franklin et al etc. for  the American experiment you envisioned.  It is still a work in progress and still very much worth fighting for, and my prayers are that at  this  time of American renewal, the right men and women will step forward and lead us. God bless America.

SEE ALSO:

-Building America’s Future (BAF)

-The Sources of American Renewal, The Claremont Institute

-The Great Recession Continues, Mortimer Zuckerman, Wall Street Journal

-The Great Recession at 30 Months, Pew Research Center

-Analysis: Tools for battling recession diminished, AP

I was thinking about who I might not yet have gotten around to pissing off lately. What other controversial issue could I come out in support of, but still offend nearly everyone, on every side of said issue? EASY: Gay Marriage.

So, I decided to weigh in on the one hot button issue where gay people are actually embracing tradition rather than going against the grain and setting the trend.  It is almost bizarre to me that a community defines its relevance and stature by defying convention now seems to identify itself by literally embracing a key social construct for the heterosexual community but then I began to realize  that it all strangely made sense. Think about it.  This key heterosexual social construct of marriage is now on the decline, especially in major urban centers, and in effect being abandoned or becoming almost passé to the heterosexual community.  America’s high divorce rate and a growing trend of more heterosexual people trying to find ways to  opt out of this convention, if not contract out of the strict obligations of this convention entirely via prenuptial agreements and the like, obviously serves as no disincentive to the gay community even while their heterosexual counterparts are operating with a mindset that resembles  ”Just Live with me, sleep with me until I get tired of paying your bills”  or the Sugar Daddie terms of engagement which you can see has even become a mainstream dating ritual between younger women and older men on sites like Craigslist.  At least in America it’s the women getting a dowry so to speak and not even for marriage but for interim liaisons. How progressive we are in the west. It is even especially more confusing in an environment where there is a culture war questioning the excessive involvement of government in the lives of our citizens, many choosing not to subject their relationships to our legal system.  But then I realized a pattern, the moment that conventional norms become passé is usually the moment when the trendonista’s in the gay community find a means to adopt that convention as the new trend.

To prove my point, all you have to do is look back to the late 1990’s when the fashion trend became for straight men to come out and dress more “gay” or metrosexual. Trust me, I know all too well,  my then girlfriend had me accessorize my wardrobe with Gucci and Prada shoes, insisted I go to a nail salon on theUpper East Side and get my eyebrows waxed and a pedicure for my feet (so I looked less like a troglodyte) and before you know it I was dressing (and dancing)  like Ricky Martin and Living La Vida Loca. (Notably these days a guy does not have to be Patrick Bateman in American Psycho or adopt his grooming habits to feel a bit more comfortable getting a manicure or pedicure in the privacy of his own home via a unique service founded by entrepreneur Tracy Saunders.) In terms of full disclosure I have since retreated back to Alden Shoes, which to me is truly the Manolo for the Men. Ironically enough during that same time the gay community standard evolved towards a more preppy All American look.

Banana Republic,Abercrombie & Fitch, Ralph Lauren, Brooks Brothers and even J Press have and continue to profit handsomely from this resurgence of the standard of style of the straight male WASP in the gay community. And I have not even mentioned the current iconic appeal of Mad Men among the uber gay. There are more gay men walking around this city styled like iconic heterosexual men from yesteryear.  This has all led straight people back to where they initially started–confused. Now whether you are on the Upper East Side or Chelsea it’s hard to tell who’s what’s going on. Truth told Chelsea has become a tad more straight and the Upper East Side a tad more gay. Or if as some have suggested, Gay is the new straight then well straight is the new gay.

I got some further help from of porntrepreneur and now hypocritical moralist Joe Francis. For those of you who do not already know, according to the New York Post’s Page Six, the Girls Gone Wild evangelist and  porntrepreneur, reputedly famous most for getting under age girls to remove their clothing on camera, got engaged to his long time girlfriend, Christina McLarty.  Ms. McLarty is a popular entertainment reporter and local celebrity for CBS in Los Angeles as well as the daughter of former Clinton White House Chief of Staff Mack McLarty.  ”We have chosen to have a civil domestic partnership,” Joe Francis told Page Six, “because we don’t think it’s appropriate to be married until our gay and lesbian friends are afforded the same rights as us to marry in the United States.”  You know that your movement has literally jumped the shark when you can count Joe Francis as among your most loyal celebrity adherents.

Joe Francis has in effect done for the gay marriage movement what Madonna, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore have done for the cult of The Kabbalah Centre, and that is, undermined its credibility. That a so called spiritual movement, has as its celebrity face a woman who has spent a good part of her career ridiculing Christianity and engaging in pronounced Catholic bashing, is nothing but bizarre, if not bad marketing. So forgive me, if I hardly see Madonna, an anti-Christian artist, as  “spiritual.” Maybe if I lived in Africa in a small village and Madonna purchased me off my parents for a good price I might feel differently. But then again, I digress. I am heading into an uber popularity zone with the gay community, ridiculing the urgency of gay marriage and gay icon all in one paragraph.

This retro Ozzie & Harriet movement (or perhaps Ozzie & Harry is more appropriate) has made me wonder how long it is before vegetarians start experiencing food shortages because fat kids start fighting each other over extra vegetables and demanding salads rather than cookies from their parents.

TRUTH is that even aside from the rational arguments in support of it, I support gay marriage because I believe that a civil society committed to sustaining its existence as well as evolving is dependent on individual liberty, free markets and free enterprise. While ultimately gay marriage will be great for the wedding industry (i.e., event planners, photographers, florists etc) when things go wrong with TWO BITCHES, look out!!!  One need only witness the Star Jones, Al Reynolds marriage and divorce to know what I am talking about.  Gay divorce will be an even bigger boon for the legal industry. As I am a lawyer by training and have lots of friends who profit off a healthy legal economy, I empathize with their plight in these unsettling times. A few good fights will keep divorce lawyers, private investigators and accountants in business. My friends in the legal industry will be only too happy to assist you in separating you and your partner from your joint and individual assets.

So to all the trendonista’s who have adopted and become obsessed with this issue as the civil rights issue of our time, you ought to check yourself before you wreck yourself with a misguided belief system, especially considering the implications of gay divorce. Spend a day, a week or a month in our court system to see how dysfunctional the divorce process truly is in America before you subject yourself to the rules of this convention which most of the rest of society is looking to abandon or contract out of via Prenuptial Agreements.  There is a reason why many in the straight community continue to try to contract out of this convention. And likewise there are even more folks in the straight community scratching their heads who are like, “dude you can do whatever you want and do not have to ‘get married’ or deal with the pressure thereof.” It is almost like the one appealing aspect of being gay vs. straight got lost.  Its enough to make bisexuals well…less bi-sexual. Unless you truly are Ozzie & Harry and not jumping from one bed to another do you really want to get married? Know that my lawyer friends are salivating.

My advice is to do go do something stylish. The world is going to hell in a proverbial hand basket, even if you are unmoved by the gravity of the ecological damage of the BP Oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico or the growing homelessness, unemployment and poverty in America.  You really need to think long and hard about what actually are the most critical issues of our time like the sustainability of life on this planet, at least before life as we know it on this planet implodes or collapses due to over population (in particular in the Islamic community), pending food and energy shortages in the age of Peak Oil (See also: ASPO International).  When the end of civilization comes and New York City looks like a scene out of Planet of the Apes, and you find yourself roaming the earth half naked in scraps of clothing like Charlton Heston, I hope you feel truly special that you made gay marriage the battle of your lifetime.

Only in America will people fight for the equal right to screw up their lives with the support of as well as oversight by the state for the terms of your romantic life.  Oh America….in the words of Marie Antoinette, I say “let them eat cake” and give us gay marriage once and for all. And then we shall see if the pattern re-emerges and the gay community no longer wants what currently amounts to the over priced item that nobody can seem to afford that is under lock and key behind bullet proof glass at Barneys New York or Jeffrey.   Maybe I am wrong and the gay community will abandon Madonna as an icon and instead embrace the life work of Andy Williams. Somehow I don’t think so.