London in New York

Well, take a look at a Bronx cheer for Stephanie Klein all the way from Queens no less, the borough of her birth. Looks like Irene of Irene’s Menagerie does not see SK as any Stephie from the Block. Irene states rather emphatically “Stephanie Klein is NOT a REAL NYC woman.” to see the full post click here. I see a cat fight brewing. Give me a big MEOW!!

Oh and by the way, from what I see, Irene appears to be a woman, heterosexual and has her hands rather full, so I doubt SK’s alter ego can label her a “stalker.” There are some fascinating women to read who are dealing with some serious issues in life. And still others that are more earnest, original and intelligent representations of femininity. Obviously check out Irene’s blog but also take a look at Girlspoke, a smart chic blog by girls with a very real sense of humor. Girlspoke actually gets a ton of male and female readers, including me.

In light of much of what that this blog has discussed of late, a fascinating read in the Water Cooler section of today’s New York Post. See “She-devils: Luring the office back stabbler from her lair”, Karen Toledano’s book review of “I Can’t Believe She Did That: Why Women Betray Other Women at Work” by Nan Mooney. An interesting quote about the subversive female nature:

“Caught between ambition and social views of femininity, a working woman may subvert her competitive nature for more passive forms of aggression….In this way says Mooney, she can excel professionally and still maintain her reputation as a kind and generous person–a phenomenon the author calls “looking clean dealing dirty.”

This insight into the female psyche may explain some of the dirty dealings encountered of late by some that I know quite well. I have witnessed and heard a number of stories of careers ruined by reliance or confidence in some false and misguided notion of the existence of “sisterhood” in the workplace. My empirical evidence and this book seem to suggest that while women are typically thought of as being more compassionate or fair in their approach, they are also actually quite more deceptive than men.

Men seemingly deal with conflict and competition in the workplace in a rather head on manner. We are usually well aware of barriers to promotion, those whom are hurdles and what the rules of engagement are. It is not that men are beyond manipulation and/or deceit but the term “backstabbers” is perhaps less applicable to men in the workplace. It is women who are seemingly more often caught by surprise and left feeling victimized. Men are more likely to see themselves on the end of a losing battle. See: In the Company of Men. Certainly NOT a feel good movie but one that provides a glimpse into the depravity of men. Any comments from the peanut gallery? The book looks like a good read.

New York, NY October 12, 2005

New York City Consigliere, photographer, verbose blogger, manhattan society.com honcho, Chris London’s: “STRAIGHT UP AND WHACKY” ……Tales and confessions from inside the Big Apple life of a’How you doin’ kind of guy, a really long book detailing his verbose tirades on the web, his rise from bridge and tunnel obscurity to a fun and fabulous life as a New York Sex God, “alleged” hit man and otherwise dodgey character in a major pre-emptive deal (including TV/film rights) to Judith “Big Pussy” Regansiero at Joey Bag O’Donuts Publishing, by Paulie Walnuts of the Guido Literary Agency. Paulie Walnuts of Guido Literary Agents will represent foreign rights (for book sales outside the NY/NJ region), on behalf of Bag O’Donuts Books. Christopher Moltisanti gets his 10% because ….well like it is not like you really need to know do ya? Bag O’Donuts Books was presented with an offer that they could not refuse when the Consigliere stated “gimme ten million or else I start tearing out pages.” So rather than risk a horse’s head in the Publisher’s bed, the sum of $10 million was agreed to.

Walnuts speaking on behalf of Bag O’Donuts books states: “If you axed me, I would tell ya we would rather have had that Alex Blagg guy. I mean shiite, that dude can write but wat da fuck eh, it seems these days that you do not need an original or the genuine article to make money selling books, capische? Look at dat fat red headed broad who promotes herself, like the next Carrie Bradshaw on diet pills. Just another narcissitic Manhattan female cliche who deep down hates herself….and gets pissed when anyone pokes fun at her. The only difference between her and Lauren Weisberger is that some guys would actually like to put a little Devil in Lauren’s Prada. Wat da fuck did this Consigliere do that Blagg did not? Well for one, he profiled the little red headed douche-bag a little more extensively, if only a year later. Sure he coulda been perhaps a little more succinct and maybe have a greater sense of humor like A Tale of Two Broads. An advantage in signing the Consigliere, however, is that each of his entries read like a freakin book so this cuts down on the publishing cycle. We could have this beyotch putting out a dozen books faster than you can say The Devil Writes Nada.” The Consigliere, after thanking his numerous male and female fans (both of them actually) stated “I really do believe that my success is larely due to following the 10 minute blogging rule (and then multiplying it by 10), intricate use of index cards for each posting as well as sucking up or doning knee pads to service anyone who would help me get ahead.”

The Consigliere goes on (as usual) to say, “I learned that strategy from learning how the Greek Tragedy networked a friendship/alliance with This Fish, after being introduced to her by a lesser known blogger, Ari Goes Down. You see, This Fish gets even more hits and more traffic than the Greek Tragedy blog and is actually ranked higher, but there is no need to tell anyone that, shush!. Ari was also ceremoniously dumped from the Tragedy’s links because she is guilty of well not having as “pretty in pink” or tragically cliched a blog or persona. That’s too bad but indicative of the self absorbed networking character of the zaftig red-headed douche-bag. Besides which once the wannabe whiney Diva met The Fish, who needs Ari anymore right? This Fish gets more hits than both of their blogs. The Diva figured out Everyone Worth Knowing well before the book was written on the subject by someone else.”

Mr. Walnuts stated further, “besides, look this Alex Blagg guy is all the way out in the City by the Bay and I am not leaving Jersey to get on a freaking plane to talk to some guy who writes like a wise guy but lives 3,000 miles away. The Consigliere is paisan, sort of like the Tony Soprano of the blog world, and you know what even if the boss is not the best writer, I know who greases my wheel. We need a male voice to counter these Chic Slit wannabe types who would be far better off if they slit their own throats than attempting to slit the throat of anyone who critiques them. Whacking them would be sort of superfluous (and that is a big word for me even) cause der freaking whacked already if you catch my meaning. In my opinion, da problem with some of these dem der broads is that it all comes back to the “SAU-Seeche.” Perhaps if they were gettin a regular feeding of the good ole Braciole they would shut their freaking traps. Their mouths run on like a drippy faucet with the freakin clap. And what’s with chics who name themselves after “Fish”? Isn’t that the last label a woman wants associated with herself? Go figure.

Survival first. Art second. It seems like a rather simple rule. In the absence of a trust fund and to the extent that you have earn a living under someone else’s employ in order to eat, it would be wise not not allow your writing or the pursuit at developing a literary art form to undermine your own job security. Simple enough it would seem. It saddens me, however, that some women, in this town especially, ignore these basic rules of life to their detriment and get dismissed from what sustains their existence. The internet is not a safe place to air what may amounts to your professional or workplace dirty laundry. Don’t blog about the office. Words can and will come back to haunt you. This is sadly the lesson that a female friend of mine is having to learn now, even though her employer and his employees were not the focus of her diary nor were they even mentioned by name. Argubaly it is not even exclusively the reason she got dooced by the douche.

Witness the demise of the Public Relations career of Kelly Kreth. Kelly is having to learn a very hard and painful lesson. No amount of Press that she will get on Curbed, the New York Post, Gawker or Jossip from what in the estimation of this commentator amounts to a wrongful termination, is going to put food on her table. The professional world can be an unforgiving place. The appearance of impropriety by an employee lingers longer with a more devastating impact than that by a large employer. Even if the conduct of her employer Dwelling Quest is despicable, immoral and heartless, their profit engine will not in any way be stymied by their poor handling of Ms. Kreth’s termination. We certainly have a right to expect better conduct from our corporate leaders but we must also be smart enough to recognize that the CEO at Dwelling Quest, Daren Hornig is first and foremost motivated by profit.

It is fair game to consider Mr. Hornig’s credibility for having extended a counter-offer of questionable value to Kelly Kreth to return to a job that was already essentially assumed by someone else, who faced becoming displaced or downgraded upon Kelly’s return. Ms. Kreth’s judgment, however, was also completely lacking to accept a counter-offer from her prior employer, after having already left to join the Shvo Marketing Group. Why Kelly thought it wise to make a hastey retreat back to Dwelling Quest is beyond me. Mr. Hornig set up a catfight and then tried to wash his hands clean on the cheap while essentially doing all he could to destroy this individual’s career shortly after her return. Elmer Fudd (AKA Daren Hornig) was quoted by Braden Keil in the New York Post:

“There were greater issues than a simple online diary,” he said. “There were death threats made and harassment threats made inside the office from numerous witnesses.” When asked specifically about the death threat, Hornig would not specifically link it to Kreth. He would only say there was a police investigation.

Interesting to note that Kelly was investigated. Kelly was never charged. Upon further investigation whatever threats made were made by a male who had no connection to Kelly Kreth. But then again, Mr. Hornig knew that, so shame on him for attempting to have the ends justify the means and trying to create an even greater appearance of impropriety to further tarnish Kelly Kreth as an undesireable employee.

The reality is quite the opposite. I sat in Hornig’s office less than a year ago and he could not stop extoling her virtues and how she was critical in establishing his Jet Blue of the Real Estate Biz brand. Give Mr. Hornig The douchebag employer of the year award for going the extra mile to try to make a former devoted employee unemployable. His reaction is not different from that of a spurned boyfriend trying to teach his ex girlfriend a lesson. He got her away from Shvo only to dump her ass which in this case amounted to destroying her professionally. If he can’t have his PR Ace nobody else can either.

Trust me, the life of a struggling artist is highly over rated. Having a roof over your head and food in your tummy is a nice feeling. It is one that you never truly appreciate until you are at risk of having those basic necessities stripped from you. After 9/11 with my business failing, the collapse of probably the most significant romantic relationship in my life and a host of other circumstances, I found myself in a downward spiral, which, in retrospect, was largely of my own making. Broken and defeated, I sought and found solace, briefly in the tragic irony and the art of my pain and suffering. As I descended into the abyss, I saw the world around me quite differently and began to keep a diary. Did I perceive myself as the reincarnation of Jack Kerouac? Caught up in my self made drama, what was it that made me think that this was all that important? The fact is that the world does not care…….if you are dead. Say it out loud. That is right. Life will go on without you.

I looked in the mirror and saw the obvious decline in my health, my non existent bank account and empty motivations. At that point I realized that no pain and suffering was worth not surviving, no matter how great the art form or insight into the meaning of life I was able to gain or uncover. I was pulled to my senses by a series of events, including a huge kick in the ass from my family. I had two choices, continue in a downward spiral and perish or survive and do something meaningful with my life. I chose the later.

What I came to realize is that a large portion of you life by necessity is about creating and maintaining an infrastructure for your own survival. You may be fortunate enough to luck out along the way but nobody will hand this to you. Nobody will assist in your maintaining it. Meaning comes from having the power, energy and resources to make a difference in your own life so you can do so for others as well. You cannot make a difference if your greatest enemy is yourself. Self sabotage includes pursuing your art in a manner that destablizes your livelihood. No drama, pain or angst in pursuit of a book deal or the creation of an interesting life….is worth not surviving. Capische?

I am reminded of a quote sent to me by New York Musican turned Porntreprenuer, Joe Gallant when I was under attack for my commentary on another blogger turned literary entrepreneur, Stephanie Klein:

“who are those Stephanie Klein types that are writing all that stuff surrounding your entries, like so much frantic mosquito whine? all these blog-gals have created alter-egos, pure & simple. and as i said befiore, they have a post-$ex&city pathological need to be seen as BADGIRL tm, slinking through the streets like steely hyperaggressive panthers, cellphones & cigarettes at the ready, while the poor clueless dumpy bozo guys who serve as extras in their life-movie ogle and nudge each other in doorways… who’s this stephanie klein you’re doing battle with? and- i really sincerely ask this in seriousness-what’s in a new york blog-girl’s psyche that causes the relentless need to present herself in a certain ultra-sexualized guy-stompin matrix-bitch way? is it competitiveness? is it real???cuz i tell ya, these cyber-chix usually come off as cartoonishly cliche’d.. libbie wolfson as done by the brilliant andrea martin, for example, a masterstroke portrayal of angst-y high-strung clueless narcissism.. did media infect them with this need, or the other way around? is it cultural? man, i really need to know, cuz the participants match the same m.o. and approach time & again. they’re like robert downey doing wayne gale, in natural born killers, or like geraldo… underneath, there’s usually a nice brooklyn, 5-towns or connecticut girl who just wants a husband, but one MUST keep up the facade while one is under contract to a publisher or being courted by “pornocopia” (sheila nevins.. sandy kaplan..) i suppose. “NO man’s gonna out-BadBitch ME, muthafuuuhh…” a strange, soul-less and hermetically-sealed crowd, fo’ sure… and so CYBER-SAFE!!! again-nothing’s so tragically empty as a clever nyc media-kid.”

Maybe the best advice I could give you girls who see yourself as the next Amy Sohn, Candace Bushnell, Lauren Weisberger or god forbid Stephanie Klein who is desperately trying to be all three simultaneously, would be to not write anything that you ultimately do not feel comfortable owning. Is it something that you would feel comfortable being quoted or having attributed to you in mixed company at a cocktail party? To the extent that one does not have a trust fund and needs a paycheck from someone else, it is wise to watch your own back and not slit your own throat with your prose on the web. And this is true no matter how genuine, cool or original you think it is or that it will lead to dates with interesting characters. If your USP (”unique selling point’) is your tragically ironic lifestyle you must know that you are already part of an unoriginal genre of female writing, even if it may ultimately be lucrative for a few.

Before you begin to go down this cliched path and become yet another “chic lit” wunderkind marketing your Harlequin prose to the masses hesitate. Think about whether living a more real life rather than jumping in and adding to the cesspool of contrived sassy urban female drama, reading it and or writing is a worthwhile investment of your time. Ask yourself why you would ever want to be a part of this class of chic literary wannabe’s. Waxing philosphic about a life that does not exist is not a replacement for living a life that nourishes your soul and fills you with joy and excitement. The best men are looking for those women and not the ones caught up in some self made drama spinning a tale of wo is me, look at how tragically ironic I am. Trust me, real men run from those women, full speed ahead. A perfect example is some chic who goes by the moniker “This Fish” but who was blessed with her own Porn Star name, Heather Hunter. You can do something better with your life. Most women can. Do not add to the equation. Rise above it. Be a better chic and not a chiclet.

Flip the bird at your employer but GET PAID FIRST. That is the lesson of Stephanie Klein who was wise not to leave her day job at her Advertising agency until her “questionable” literary art form yielded some dividends or Lauren Weisberger who published The Devil Wears Prada AFTER leaving Voque Magazine. Fair to ask whether so many would have celebrated Ms. Klein’s departure from Young & Rubicam in the absence of a book deal if she had made her employer rather than her ex husband the target of her aggression. Rumor has it that some at Y&R were happy to see her leave for any reason but the difference being she left as a winner on her own terms. If your art form is limited by your need for a paycheck than so be it. Eat first.